He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
