Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
