you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
