New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she looked like the before picture.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
