He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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