I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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