Where is the hickey?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
