I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
