i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're a waste of cheezeits
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
