omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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