Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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