Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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