I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
