I feel great
I just peed on a car
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is it because I queefed?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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