Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
