new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
