The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
