I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
