Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
