I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
