Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize