Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
