Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
