tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
