it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
