your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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