i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
