He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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