My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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