i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
