Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
