You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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