It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
