Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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