That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
