Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dick very happy bro
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
