I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
