If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
