just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
