Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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