my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
