Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
