He asked to "fluff my boner.."
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
