Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
