Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
