just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
