When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
