I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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