and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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