Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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