so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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