I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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