I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
