"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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