Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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