stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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