Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
