He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
